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Lord, give me your eyes.

17 Mar

Lately, everyone and everything has been getting on my last nerves.
You can do absolutely nothing wrong, and I would be annoyed with you almost instantly.
I couldn’t figure out what was going on inside of me, why my thoughts were so negative. It’s like my heart was hardening for no reason at all. I looked back through my drafts on blogs that I had started to write with titles like “keeping up with the Jones'”, “Why are people so…” .. just negative, judgey, gross thoughts that should never ever cross my mind.

So I started to ask God, why? WHY am I becoming this person, Lord. I don’t like it!
Well, there is three reasons why this was happening.

1. Bitterness against someone that did me wrong.
2. Too much social media
3. Approval addiction

Now, I am not someone who holds a grudge. But there is one person that just gets under my skin. It’s like I try, and then they cut me down. They are constantly trying to be in competition with me, and I don’t understand why. Things that I plan that have nothing to do with them, they try to say that I am doing it to out shine them and even though everybody around knows I’m not, it hurts me, and it makes me bitter. This is not somebody that I can just cut out of my life, they are in it for good. So how? How do you have genuine love towards somebody who is constantly tearing you down? Our young adults group leader brought up something the past two wednesdays. Humans are not perfect, they are made of three parts- your body, your soul and  your spirit. The only perfect part of you is your spirit. When somebody acts out against you, it’s their flesh that is speaking- there are many things that can get in the way of how they act.. hurt, envy, trying to protect themselves,… so on. We need to be able to look past that, instead of seeing them as the horrible person that we think that they are being- we need to try to see the perfect spirit man in them that God see’s. All I know, is I can’t do that alone like I have been trying to, I need God. So Lord, please give me your eyes for humanity.

Then there is Social media, which goes hand in hand with approval addiction. You see, when I first joined facebook it was just a fun place to share pictures and neat things going on in your life with friends that you otherwise would not be able to keep in touch with, whether it be because they live too far away or for your conflicting schedules. However, lately every time I log on I can almost predict what is going to be shown on my feed. A bunch of re-posts of blogs about how you should live your life… (why you shouldn’t get married young, why I got married young, why you shouldn’t vaccinate, why you should vaccinate, how you should raise your kids, etc. etc. etc.) .. and also a whole lot of snide remarks, and calling people out who you think have wronged you. This, for me, has led to an overwhelming approval addiction. I began to hold myself to all of these standards that the people I care most about were posting on their walls of opinions, and after so long of trying to fit that mold, I started holding other people to those same standards. People, this is not good! In fact, I am convinced that almost 95% of those kinds of blogs have no wrong or right way. What is right for me, may not be what is right for you… and that is okay!! It is all part of what makes you who you are. So Lord, please give me your eyes to see myself for who I am, and LOVE it, so I can in turn see and love people for who they are and give them the same grace that you have given me.

Just a little food for thought!